The writing is so terrible it could make a thesaurus weep.
The designer’s talent is a myth, like Bigfoot or good Wi-Fi.
The text is so poorly written it’s practically illiterate.
The designer’s creativity is a flatline on life support.
The writing is so awful it could ruin a good mood in seconds.
The designer clearly flunked out of Web Design 101—twice.
The site’s so poorly optimized it lags on a supercomputer.
The content smells like it was scraped from the bottom of a trash can.
The graphics look like they were drawn with a crayon in the dark.
The loading speed is so glacial I grew a beard waiting for it, and I’m a woman.